It's All About Give And You Shall Recieve.. BullShit !!

So What Up?.. Been A While.. Again.. ^_^

So I've been trying to figure things out for quite some time now and it seems like, everytime I think things are starting to become a lil' bit clear, something else is beeing said or done to make me feel like I was wrong..

I'm not a person who likes having regrets BUT I'm starting to..

Thinking that maybe I should have gone home yesterday(sunday sep 2oth)..

Back to my life, so to speak.. But I didn't..

And why is that?.. Love.. Love made me stay, but is it really worth it?.. I thought so, but not so sure anymore..

And why is that you ask?

Well I'll tell you.. I didn't go because he didn't want me to.. So I stayed.. For him..

I could at this very moment have been with my siblings (4 & 9 years old) that I haven't seen in 8 months now.. Hugging them, kissing them, playing with them, eating with them, just beeing with them & that I love more then life itself.. & people that know me, know that.. But I'm not.. Because of love..

I could have been trying to make things better between me and my mom that I haven't spoken to in 7 months & that I also love & would give everything for but I'm not.. Because of love..

I could have been out partying with my friends & cousins, shopping, hanging out, at the beachs, at starbucks just zippin coffee just chillin, just enjoying life.. But I'm not.. Because of love..

I could have been hanging out with my Lola(grandmother) going to church, eating good food, playing 'tong et'(pinoy card game), dancing, singing but I'm not.. Because of love..

Yeah I know what ya'll are thinking.. "Sounds like you'd rather be there then here"

Well I do but I didn't nahmean..

But again I say.. starting to regret my decision.. And why?

Well.. I didn't go because he didn't want me to..

So tell me something.. If I can't go, because he don't want me to.. So how come it's okay for him to??

Is that fair??.. Seriously tho.. Is it??

I don't think so.. I might as well have gone back to pinay, been with my siblings, cousins, fam & friends & just waited there for him right?..

So now I'm stuck here feeling like I made the biggest mistake of my life chosing someone who's more in the state of mind of thinking about "him", rather then thinking about "us"..

But let me make one thing clear tho.. I made the decision.. I did.. Me..

So I don't & can't really blame him..

All I feel, is how come it's okay for me to make the big sacrifices but not him..

Everybody makes sacrifices, but I'm tired of making em' all.. That's all..

Hey, when he goes I'll be happy for him, & I hope he as a great great time, coz I get it, Oh God I really do.. But I just won't be here waiting when he gets back.. It's not fair to me.. It really isn't..

Be back later..

Thinking mode 'Activated'

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Song of the day:

Nina - I love you goodbye